Exploring social sobriety in your late 20s
When asked, a lot of wellness-focused 20-somethings say they only drink alcohol “socially,” rather than on a regular basis. It makes me wonder about the meaning behind that choice. If we’re only drinking during the times when we seek real human connection, is it actually possible to make genuine friendships in that setting - when alcohol blurs our judgment and dulls our true sense of self? Making friends is hard enough in your late 20s; it’s interesting that we often choose to make it harder by adding alcohol into the mix. While I don’t think social drinking is inherently bad, it’s worth asking whether it might sometimes limit, rather than deepen, the connections we crave.
When I started to think more critically about the quality of my friendships a few years ago, I realized that I was spending a lot of time with people I didn’t actually care that much about. They were part of a broader Boston social circle, but only a few made the get-togethers truly worthwhile. The rest left me feeling like an insecure 15-year-old walking the halls of high school without pants - that kind of horrifying dream that jolts you awake. Once I recognized how surface-level some of those friendships were, I slowly pulled back. These days, I still tend to keep my distance - and honestly, I’m better for it.
That kind of reflection was uncomfortable at first. I used to pride myself on having a diverse group of friends across every chapter of my life: high school, college, and post-college. My high school and college friends were the ones I got to know through shared experiences like sports or classes. But after college, my social life revolved around pre-games, work happy hours, and weekend nights out. While I did find a few great friends in those spaces, it’s clear to me now that the strongest connections I have were built in sober environments.
So that brings me back to the phrase, “I only drink socially.” It’s kind of funny when you think about it, we say this as if our most meaningful friendships can be formed in a slightly disconnected mental state. For me, alcohol can be a fun social lubricant, but what really matters is noticing who I feel comfortable around without it.
TL;DR: It’s worth taking an honest look at how your friendships make you feel. Chances are, some of them spike your anxiety or just drain you. If you’re feeling unfulfilled in your social life, try swapping a night of cocktails for a sober hangout - and notice who still makes you feel good. You might find the peace (and better friends) you’ve been searching for.
